Thunderstick?... You actually said, 'Thunderstick?'... That, my friend is a Winchester 30.06.

Every week when my batch of weekly cartoons would go to FedEx, it felt like a small miracle. Then in a few days, it's 'Here we go again.'

I don't believe in the concept of hell, but if I did I would think of it as filled with people who were cruel to animals.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry'.

You always hear a headline like this, 'Man Killed By Shark', you never hear it from the other perspective, 'Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food'.

The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression.

It is a known fact that the sheep that give us steel wool have no natural enemies.

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

You should always leave the party 10 minutes before you actually do.

The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen... The world's climates are changing, the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a walnut.

The fuel light's on, Frank! We're all going to die! Wait, wait... Oh, my mistake - that's the intercom light.

Some of my best ideas come from when I'm sitting on the toilet.

...come lie beside me again and understand - the others can show by actions, but I alone will immortalize you in words...

The insistence of European leaders to austerity policies keeps the European economy strapped in stagnation.

Man cannot live without some knowledge of the purpose of life. If he can find no purpose in life he creates one in the inevitability of death.

I like to write a lot of satire.

In our hurried world too little value is attached to the part of the connoisseur and dilettante.

Easy writing makes hard reading.

Would Colonel [Bernie] Sanders honeymoon in the Soviet Union?

You should not fear, nor yet should you wish for your last day.

Hundreds and hundreds of beautiful horses in the parade and a man without a silver saddle is a vagrant.