Time has lost all meaning in that nightmare alley of the Western world known as the American mind.

A home without a grandmother is like an egg without salt.

If you ever meet someone who cannot understand why solitary confinement is considered punishment, you have met a misanthrope.

I simply like guns because you can't shoot people without them.

I wasn't used to children and they were getting on my nerves. Worse, it appeared that I was a child, too. I hadn't known that before; I thought I was just short.

Writers who have nothing to say always strain for metaphors to say it in.

If we define a misanthrope as 'someone who does not suffer fools and likes to see fools suffer,' we have described a person with something to look forward to.

The more immoral we become in big ways, the more puritanical we become in little ways.

God may have loved the common people, but a trip to any shopping mall suggests that He made far too many of them.

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

Democracy is the fig leaf of elitism.

My parents are going to kill me!""That seems rather harsh...

You cannot serve God without serving people

Careful, mother, or you could end up dangling in another's webs.

Even as we live with the knowledge that each day might be our last, we don’t want to believe it.

People run away from the love game because they know they won't win the race.

There is no point to samba if it doesn't make you smile.

A lot of people say, 'AC/DC - that's the band with the little guy who runs around in school shorts!'

I'm not interested in being a celebrity; I'm interested in being a better actor and a better director.

A man does what he can; a woman does what a man cannot.

I think it's darkness before the dawn, because the next evolution is going to be a consciousness evolution instead of a communication revolution.