Time is lord of thee: Thy wealth, thy glory, and thy name are his.

There are two reasons for drinking wine...when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it... prevention is better than cure.

Seamen three! what men be ye? Gotham's three Wise Men we be. Whither in your bowl so free? To rake the moon from out the sea. The bowl goes trim. The moon doth shine, And our ballast is old wine.

Clouds on clouds, in volumes driven, curtain round the vault of heaven.

The juice of the grape is the liquid quintessence of concentrated sunbeams.

The waste of plenty is the resource of scarcity.

He kept at true good humor's mark The social flow of pleasure's tide: He never made a brow look dark, Nor caused a tear, but when he died.

Marriage may often be a stormy lake, but celibacy is almost always a muddy horsepond.

The mountain sheep are sweeter, But the valley sheep are fatter. We therefore deemed it meeter To carry off the latter.

I never failed to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.

Sir, I have quarrelled with my wife; and a man who has quarrelled with his wife is absolved from all duty to his country.

This world is a field of opportunity and a river of diamonds. You just have to find them.

Do not pay attention to my cousins. Every family needs a couple idiots and we keep them around for entertainment.

The story of how I left Huckleberry begins -- as do all worthy stories -- with a goat

I don't know what DVD commentaries are about. I'd like to strangle the person who came up with that concept.

I will read biographies or autobiographies while I'm writing, but mostly I put books in a to-read queue, like Rachel Cusk's new novel, "Outline."

... by chance you will say, but chance only favors the mind which is prepared.

I've had the fame and the joy of getting laughter - those are gifts.

My health is so often impaired that I begin to be as weary of it as mending old lace; when it is patched in one place, it breaks out in another.

How can I describe how much I love you? Is it even possible to describe a love like that? I don’t know, but as I sit here with pen in hand, I know that I have to try.

It is for all Men that come into the World once to Die, and after Death the Judgment; and since Death is a Debt that all of us must pay, it is but a matter of small moment what way it be done.