Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Somehow he'd become the one constant in this whole uneven chapter in her life, & the idea that could change was unsettling.

Don't be led astray into the paths of virtue.

A wise traveller never despises his own country.

The nation voted us to power to see unity and communal harmony, not for any division or communality.

In truth, I don't want to be there. I don't want to see the light go out of my brother's eyes.

Vanity is truly the motive power that moves humanity, and it is flattery that greases the wheels.

Can't say it often enough — change your hair, change your life.

I can't whistle. My husband makes fun of me for that.

I don't want to be made to look like I'm 25. I'm 39. I don't have any issues with my age.

I know a lady in Venice would have walked barefoot to Palestine for a touch of his nether lip