To Be Successful You Don't Need Beautiful Face And Heroic Body, What You Need is Skillful Mind And Ability To Perform

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

I'm not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny, if I become someone else.

The older you get, the more you realise how happenstance... has helped to determine your path through life.

But I always feel that whatever I do, I could do better. I suppose it is perfectionism.

I want to express myself in a different way. I have a performing inclination.

I can be reasonably funny and light-hearted when I'm in the company of good friends, but I'm not a jokesmith. I tend to be quite serious.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Art is something that nobody laughs at and nobody makes any money out of is the attitude, which I would dispute.

The path of my life is strewn with cow pats from the devil's own satanic herd!

When I was doing Bean more than I’ve done him in the last few years, I did strange things - like appearing on chat shows in character as Mr. Bean.

This was how girls left. They packed up their suitcases and walked away in high heels. They pretended they weren't crying, that it wasn't the worst day of their lives.

A wise walker will set out early, keeping an open mind on how far to travel, allowing each day's adventure to evolve.

Vegetarianism is harmless enough though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness.

An unread book does nobody any good

It's so important that you don't put the stuffing in the bird, where in order for the stuffing to get cooked you have to overcook the turkey. It's better to do it on the side.

Told you I was going to mess up your make up," he said, a smug grin on his face.

Face of the spring moon- about twelve years old, I'd say.

A good picture, any picture, has to be bristling with razor blades.

What you put out is what you get back, and the reason so many are so short of money is that they put little or nothing out

You know, boy, America is a closely divided country.