To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

If I could put my brain in her body, the world would be mine for the taking.

Life is beautiful mess...and I am tangled...though I am the spider but a stupid one. Cheap I am by name, views and actions.

War created the conditions for great advances in technology...without war men would not traverse oceans in hours, travel in space, or microwave popcorn.

Ahh, love, why is it so easy to let you in, but so difficult to let you out? Why couldn’t you subsist only two-sided?

I have a private plane. But I fly commercial when I go to environmental conferences.

For how can we adopt those things which we do not find in the holy Scriptures?

A real desire to believe all the good you can of others and to make others as comfortable as you can will solve most of the problems.

It is flagrantly dishonest for an advertising agent to urge consumers to buy a product which he would not allow his own wife to buy.

The press briefing today I believe has lost much of its usefulness.

Edmonton is not the end of the world but you can certainly see it from there.