To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

I understood books. I did not understand boys—especially alien boys.

Not every dog that barks, bites.

The lawyer's truth is not Truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency.

Obscurity often brings safety.

I am an Israeli-born American citizen.

To make money in New York, you have to add gigs when starting out, so while I was acting quite a bit, I would do modeling.

Crazy is good. The alternative is normal.

A mind conscious of right laughs at the falsehoods of rumour. [Lat., Conscia mens recti famae mendacia risit.]

I'm not into the gym. I prefer dancing or tennis.

The mere possibility provides no warrant for denying what I clearly grasp.