To be paid, to be employed to be an enthusiast and be excited about existence is fantastic.

My wife could turn to me and she may say, 'Why do you love me?' And I can with all honesty look her in the eye and say, 'Because our pheromones matched our olfactory receptors.'

Homeopaths do not have a physical brain, but merely 'skull water' with the memory of brains.

If the Royal Variety Show was put in a matter transportation machine with the Royal Institution Christmas lectures, this is what you'd get.

I thought I better warn you that I am not one of those politically correct comedians, but it turns out that also I'm not really that racist, homophobic or woman hating either, so you might not notice

My life is constant revision but it's not revision, a lot of it is for the first time.

They gave 12 monkeys a typewriter for a week, and after a week, they only used it as a bathroom.

There can be a science to joke writing, there are certainly rules and patterns that can be followed, but I think most of the best comedy goes beyond the rules.

We very quickly forget about the wonderful things we've got. People lose their excitement because there's too much. Basically we're experiencing nothing, because everything is available to us.

I'm glad the universe is pointless. It means if I get to the end of my life, the universe can't turn to me and go, 'What have you been doing, you idiot? That's not the point!

Wherever you are on Earth, there is more life present than in the rest of the known universe.

Your courage will be tested during the adversity as well as during the change.

When you have developed a relationship with yourself, you can begin to take on the world.

It's fate, but fate just gives us a nudge in the right direction onthe fast lane, I guarantee she doesn't have her hands in your pockets while she's doing it

Cynicism is carnality that thinks its smart.

My basic weeding rule: if they grow in rows they're flowers; if they don't they're weeds.

I still don't think I'm a good actor. The only reason I'm doing it is because I've got a lot of support behind me.

Harry," Bob drawled, his eye lights flickering smugly, "what you know about women, I could juggle.

I support free trade. Donald Trump supports free trade.Trade means jobs. Jobs in the United States, jobs in my home state of Indiana are supported by international exports.

Claim the things you want by feeling and believing they are yours.

There can be no existence of evil as a force to the healthy-minded individual.