To clarify, the issue isn’t that I’m too fat, it’s that I’m too phat. Can I get a WHAT-WHAT!

I went to drama school at NYU for serious acting. So I was doing Chekov and Sam Shepard plays.

It's always great to get to do what you love and to do something that hopefully people will see and love.

Life is the one thing you cannot get out of alive.

Is it normal to make a minute-to-minute schedule for the timing of thanksgiving? I'm asking for a friend.

I guess funny people are attracted to funny people, and then you get comedy marriages.

I have never turned to my girlfriend and said, Oh, okay, babe, and I see it in scripts all the time.

At my wedding, I was dancing so furiously that I fell hard on my kneecaps. The next morning, my knees were so swollen that I had to get a wheelchair at the airport to go on my honeymoon.

Pageants are already ridiculous and sad, I think.

What I think is funny is when people, despite tragic situations, are still hopeful, still trying. It's sweet and sad - and, to me, hilarious.

Whatever the item is that I have chosen to give you, it is nothing more than the receptacle within which I have placed the whole of myself. If it is empty, it is not a gift.

It ain't the blows we're dealt that matter, but the ones we survive.

In two years, there were 22 military coups d'etat, essentially in Africa and the third world. The coup d'etat of Algiers, in 1965, is what opened the path.

The study of mathematics is apt to commence in disappointment.

We take a drink only for the sake of the benediction.

The reason advertising is governed by fear, after all, is that most agencies rely on just a few clients to bring in the lion's share of their revenues.

Distant replay morphs into instant replay, and future replay cannot be far off.

America is in a runaway-train position and dragging all the world with it. It's grotesquely mentally ill.

You cannot be all things to all people. Be unique. Be different. Give to others what you want yourself. And do what you were made to do.

We do not have, nor have had, and never will have an opinion about where the stock market, interest rates, or business activity will be a year from now.