To give you an idea how bad the American economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border. Stay on your side!

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

You don't speak of dreams as unreal. They exist. They leave a mark behind them.

We are force-fed beliefs through incessant advertisements by a culture that ceaselessly fosters our conformity to values which are of no service to the individual.

A lot of people think I'm cynical when I talk about acting. The truth of the matter is, I just don't want someone to get some lame advice that will send them in the wrong direction

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.

Be a light unto oneself

What breaks capitalism, all that will ever break capitalism, is capitalists. The faster they run the more strain on their heart.

You're master of what you've lived, artisan at what you're living, amateur at what's next to live.

Follow those who follow something bigger than themselves - an idea, a belief, a vision, a cause. Run away from those who say we need to follow them.

Whether I'm single or in a relationship, I'm the same person. The same human being.

Music is made by individuals. Some artists will be very politically overt in their songs, some will be more subtle. You have to be true to yourself, true to your nature.