To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

These violent delights have violent ends.

If God gives you an assignment, He will also supply the strength to carry itOut

Ancient literature is a rich history.

I would sacrifice 1,000 yards rushing to win a Super Bowl. But I want to be the first back to have back-to-back 2,000-yard seasons.

Fear is the genesis of most of the good things that have occurred in my life. Fear is the beginning of every success I've lived.

What I try to do is don't have any ups and downs. I emphasize taking the same approach.

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

The univers is statistically more likely to be ironic than not.

Change happens not just by giving the mind new arguments but also by feeding the imagination new beauties

Don't stop imagining. The day that you do is the day that you die.