To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

I'd made my choice, though, and I couldn't take it back.

The summer of 1830 I... blasted the tunnel through the rock to take water from the dam above the falls for the mill... In 1831 we lowered the tunnel four feet, and built a new dam across the creek.

Learn to accept the transitory nature of existence of the body and the mind; see eternity in everything, this world, the other worlds, and nirvana.

There were always jokes about Hillary Clinton channeling Eleanor Roosevelt, but Eleanor Roosevelt was really instrumental at the UN, and would want to meet with various other delegates.

Seeing their children touched and seared and wounded by race prejudice is one of the heaviest crosses which colored women have to bear.

I treated Art as the supreme reality and life as a mere mode of fiction.

When individuals change, society will change. And when society changes, the whole world will change. The welfare of the individual is bound up with the welfare of society as a whole.

I am who I am; no more, no less.

It is my greatest desire, I want the people in Russia to be happy and I want our partners around the world to seek to develop relations with Russia.

On Flash, I thought of myself as a spice character; come in, do a little dance, and I go.