To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Life is a book that someone else is reading—and you, a key character—hence the need for continual conflict and resolution. We can't have any boring books.

The ear never forgets what the soul says.

A global world needs global firewalls.

The critics love to get out their knives and dine on Coverdale. But the worse the criticism gets, the more successful I become.

If I have one thing perfect, it's my eyebrows. And my feet. I love my feet. They're like Japanese feet. The rest I would like to hide. Especially my freckles. I feel ridiculous.

My father was a classical musician and my mother was a writer.

If there was one thing I had never been, it was mysterious, and if there was one thing I had never done, it was not talk.

My heart really softens when I think about mothering because the greatest lessons that I've learned in life have been as a mother.

Zeppelin were a blues band but [also] so much more, [as were] The Stones.

If you follow the ways in which you were trained, which you may have inherited, for no other reason than this, you are illogical.