To me you have to commit yourself to the sacrifice, because it's so important. Even if people don't agree, they appreciate commitment.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

All that I am is by the grace of God.

Every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character.

A defeat in war is not the greatest of all evils; but when the defeat has been inflicted by enemies who are not worthy of you, then the calamity is doubled.

The race by vigour, not by vaunts, is won.

There is much difference between imitating a good man and counterfeiting him.

As no one else can know how we perceive, we are the best experts on ourselves.

Nobody wants to be passive; indexing is not passive - much more goes into indexing than watching a stock become the next buggy whip.

If you see a tennis player who looks as if he is working hard, that means he isn't very good.

To introduce something altogether new would mean to begin all over, to become ignorant again, and to run the old, old risk of failing to learn.

Anyone who pretends not to be interested in money is either a fool or a knave.