To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I agree'.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

When you realize who you are and why you're here, then peace will be there.

I grabbed a shovel and dug, and dug, and dug.Sorry not a very poetic thought, but very deep.

To overcome something great you must first learn to overcome your own fears.

A real woman's blood pressure will go up when another man touch her, in anger of me losing my dignity and not because she likes it.

There is a heroism in crime as well as in virtue. Vice and infamy have their altars and their religion.

People may not be impressed by our theological grasp, but they may be impressed by our expressions of practical godliness.

A man asking for help ought to at least give directions.

When you follow Christ, it must be a total burning of all your bridges behind you.

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.

I suppose now I'm obliged to wish you happiness in your new life. Although happiness in the absence of indoor plumbing is a debatable concept.