To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Regrets are a waste of time. They're the past crippling the present.- From Under the Tuscan Sun, 2003

It is so tempting to try the most difficult thing possible.

Nothing activates adrenaline production like pain. - Dr. Sienna Brooks

Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food.

Only life suffered can transform a symphony from a collection of notes into a message of humanity.

I am so glad we met at an undisclosed location over the summer.

Our flag is read, white and blue, but our nation is a rainbown-red, yellow, brown, black and white - and we're all precious in God's sight.

We ride and never worry 'bout the fall. Guess that's just the cowboy in us all.

Remember, Republican economic policies quadrupled the debt before I took office and doubled it after I left. We simply can't afford to double-down on trickle-down.

What is the use of living, if it be not to strive for noble causes.