To paraphrase the great Will Rogers, El Rusho never met a pharmacist he did not like.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

I am not in the entertainment business. I don't give a damn if it was spectacular or not. I want cause and effect.

I believe there are two ways of concealing a secret: 1. Leave no trace of it. 2. Replace it with a lie.So which option did you choose, Mr.President?

Seeing her cry still made me feel the same way it did earlier.

Composers shouldn't think too much - it interferes with their plagiarism.

To feel absolutely right is the beginning of the end.

So nothing is ever good or bad unless you think it so, and vice versa. All luck is good luck to the man who bears it with equanimity.

What wretched doings come from the ardor of fame; the love of truth alone would never make one man attack another bitterly.

I am an only child and home-schooled, so I have no siblings or classmates.

No government should be without critics. If its intentions are good then it has nothing to fear from criticism.

All religious wars are about people arguing over who has the biggest invisible friend.