To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.

Jefferson could strike up the band even when he was being lazy or fearful.

We schoolmasters must temper discretion with deceit.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I am like, 'This is a high-top day' or 'This is a bob day, ' but when I get my clothes on that's when I see.

The ultimate pleasure of architecture lies in the most forbidden parts of the architectural act, where limits are perverted and prohibitions are transgressed.

I wanted to make sure that I did one movie in my career that mothers hug me for.

She not only kept her lovely figure, she's added so much to it.

I got a publishing deal with BMG, they were supportive, and some money to record demos

The firmest purpose of a woman's heart to well-timed, artful flattery may yield.

I feel close to Marvin Gaye, Vincent van Gogh, because nobody appreciated his work until he was dead. Now it's worth millions.

I tried to explain that there was a great difference between me and Mujib [Rahiman]: he was a secessionist and I wasn't.