To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.

The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at.

There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.

All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints.

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.

Fact and fiction are different truths.

Let me be an ocean and let me kiss you as many times as the ocean kisses the shore.

Faith is spiritualized imagination.

Every time I come with an album I try to do something different and obviously my life has an influence on how I feel and the type of message I want to give with the music.

The most eloquent seems to stutter.

I done told you twice already goddammit no!

We're a nation of laws, but the good thing about America, is that laws reside in the people and people can change the laws.

I am proud of what I've done.

I like a bit of eye candy like anyone but to have it solely about the eye candy and have it fall into a category so rigidly as well is wrong.

Speak not at all, in any wise, till you have somewhat to speak; care not for the reward of your speaking, but simply and with undivided mind for the truth of your speaking.