To seek a justification for a decision already made.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Statistics, likelihoods, and probabilities mean everything to men, nothing to God.

Yay, science.

I was ironing my own clothes when I was 11 years old. My mental strength goes back to those days.

The sweet simplicity of the three percents.

I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.

When you see all of these bands citing you as influences, it makes you feel relevant

At first glance, that might seem a little silly: why put so much stress on a simple thing? But that's precisely the point.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

Ah yes, liberal democrats unified as ever in opportunism and in error.

George Washington was quite a farmer. He was a farmer, Civil Engineer and gentleman. He made enough at civil engineering to indulge in both the other luxuries.