To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

We couldn’t be friends. We couldn’t be enemies.So what were we?

I guess we all have some of these - memories like artillery shells, fired at close range.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

Your job is to control yourself. Your job is to discipline yourself. Your job is to deal with everything in life with affection, love and kindness.

The camera looks into your soul.

My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.

I do not support individual countries taking military action against another country because of its human rights record, or subsequently justifying taking such action on human rights grounds.

The world has shown that if you provide capital and expertise to an area that is starved for capital and expertise, really good things will happen.

I can't come on like a parent to these kids, if I do, I won't be able to have fun working with them. The good news is they all have parents. The younger ones, their parents by law have to be on set.

He who dies before many witnesses always does so with courage.