To slur “feminism” into “humanism” is to usurp women’s voices once again, to make the singular feminine into the so-called universal masculine.

Once we hit forty, women only have about four taste buds left: one for vodka, one for wine, one for cheese, and one for chocolate.

If you know you can do it - if you can already chart every day in your future - then why bother? Choose to do something you have more trouble imagining. Take a chance.

My longing to improve my looks via The Body Shop is being replaced by my longing to improve my looks via Photoshop.

Birthdays are a reward for having shown up 365 days in a row. It's like getting a badge for attendance.

How about "diamonds are a girl's best friends"? Nope. It should be switched around and pointed out, instead, that your best friends are diamonds.

Think of the funniest story from your life. Chances are, it was something awful at the time.

Confessions are like tattoos in that 1) You convince yourself that the immediate pain of going through the process means it won't bother you later on; 2) They are permanent.

Envy is what makes you, when an acquaintance is lustily telling you that she's dating a Greek god of a guy, ask, 'Which one, Hades?'

Laughing together is as close as you can get to a hug without touching.

Truth is like nuclear waste: it needs to be dealt with carefully. Sometimes it needs to be buried way, way out of town. And sometimes it should never be uncovered at all.

God bless us everyoneWe're a broken people living under loaded gunAnd it can't be outfoghtIt can't be outdoneIt can't out matchedIt can't be outrunNo

There are good and bad times, but our mood changes more often than our fortune.

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.

I was in such a creative groove after turning in my last book (The Andy Cohen Diaries: A Deep Look at a Shallow Year) that I decided to keep writing in the hope that I'd one day do a sequel.

Share yourself with others after you have first spent some time with yourself.

I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.

A great many of those who 'debunk' traditional...values have in the background values of their own which they believe to be immune from the debunking process

Nefertiti is like Athena born from the brow of Zeus, a head-heavy armored goddess. She is beautiful but desexed.

My parents professed to believe in God, but I rarely heard his name mentioned unattached to 'damn' or 'sakes' or 'willing.

Bear figs for a season or two, and the world outside the orchard is very unwilling you should bear thistles.