[To the critic who wrote a negative review:] I am sitting in the smallest room of the house. Your review is before me. Soon it will be behind me.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.

All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.

They aren't making mirrors like they use to.

Truth is Evidence of Love. And, Nothing Can Stop the Power of Trusting and Loving Unconditionally.

The reason why God doesn't show his face is because he stands behind a wall that can be broken.

It was his home now. But it could not be his home till he had gone from it and returned to it. Now he was the Prodigal Son.

Because when I get to heaven, the first face that shall ever gladden my sight will be that of my Savior.

All are free to believe or not believe; all are free to practice a faith or not. But those who believe must be free to speak of and act on their belief

I'm magnificent! I'm five feet eleven inches and I weigh one hundred thirty-five pounds, and I look like a racehorse.

What gets measured gets managed.

I canceled a show once to be with someone that I loved.

The wise know too well their weakness to assume infallibility; and he who knows most knows best how little he knows.

My father was like the Old Testament. I am the New Testament. I am part of a new generation. In time, people will realize this.