To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

Her scream of utter horror and fright was a sound that no one in the chamber would ever forget.~Crispin.~

If marriages are said to be made in heaven then why search for grooms in hell.

If you have fun, fine. It's not all life and death.

I'm a Republican, but I find Nancy Pelosi very attractive. She hasn't done a single thing as congressman or Speaker of the House that has turned me on, but I find her quite okay.

Sorrow, anger and resentment look back, worry looks around, while faith, hope, and optimism look to the future.

I loved Thirteen and I loved Pretty Persuasion, and was always just so blown away by her [Rachel Evan Wood]. It was nice, and sadly, it is so rare.

I think most human beings, even if you're in a situation that's constricting or complicated or hard, they try to survive.

Waste no words on a man who dislikes you. Actions will impress him more.

Take your brush here and there like a bee in an alpine meadow. In other words, don't laboriously work on or try to finish off one particular part. Paint promiscuously.

Democracy is a gleaming Excalibur - let's not use it just to mend the toaster.