[To the mother of two unruly children in a restaurant after the woman said she really didn't know what to do with her children:] Have you tried infanticide?

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.

I think that the most important thing a woman can have - next to talent, of course - is her hairdresser.

Recently I heard a 'wise guy' story that I had a party at my home for twenty-five men. It's an interesting story, but I don't know twenty-five men I'd want to invite ta a party.

If you have an ounce of common sense and one good friend you don't need an analyst.

Care for your clothes, like the good friends they are

I never go outside unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star. If you want to see the girl next door, go next door.

Well, we can skip childhood because I didn't have any. Not one goddam moment on the Good Ship Lollipop.

Make your wardrobe as versatile as an actress. It should be able to play many roles.

Be afraid of nothing.

It is my intention to make no provision herein for my son Christopher or my daughter Christina for reasons which are well known to them.

Back in our apartment, lights out, The Professor emerged from beneath the bed." - from "The Professor Spends the Night, " in issue 4 of Literary Orphans

The pious pretense that evil does not exist only makes it vague, enormous and menacing.

Clearly, America's dysfunctional food culture must bear some of the blame for our excess pounds, but it's likely our walking-averse lifestyles contribute as well.

People see Archie Bunker everywhere. Particularly girls; poor girls, rich girls, all kinds of girls are always coming up to me and telling me that Archie is just like their dad.

I think it is always tough no matter where you are in your journey. Always staying focused and knowing why you are doing what you are doing.

The Earth is round, and is inhabited on all sides, is insignificantly small, and is borne through the stars.

There is still a future with music, because people want music

Modern war appears as a struggle led by all the State apparatuses and their general staffs against all men old enough to bear arms.

If you put me in South Park, that audience is going to fall asleep in five minutes.

You have to remember, Frank Sinatra is 82 years old, which is 240 in your years. He's lived three lifetimes! He has good and bad days. He can't run ... around as fast as he used to.