Today Mitt Romney is 68 years old. It's kind of sad, a 68-year-old guy with no job, no future - wait a minute, that's me.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley,

Or was he saying, "Hi! Wanna play?"And I did. Of course I did.

I tell myself it does not matter what one reads-favorite authors, particular themes-as long as we read something. It is not even important to own the books.

Women and birds are able to see without turning their heads, and that is indeed a necessary provision for they are both surrounded by enemies.

Reality is a wave function traveling both backward and forward in time.

If you try, you will find it impossible to do one great thing. You can only do many small things with great love.

And what causes fear? Ignorance of our own nature.

One wants to be able to experience being other people, remaking a reality, remaking a life, remaking a certain world.

Vulgarity is setting store by the things which are seen.