Today coming to work, I saw one of those only in New York scenes. It was a rat who had passed out after choking on a pretzel.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

If you don't know yourself, you may easily blow away opportunities meant for your success! Know who you are made of and save your dreams from premature death!

Faith is not something to grasp it is a state to grow into.

The secret of being miserable is to have leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not. The cure for it is occupation.

Truth shines the brighter, clad in verse.

Anytime you open a business, you have to be effective in promoting whether it's a franchise or not. You'll need to learn to be a Web marketer extraordinaire. There's plenty of material out there.

You can't do a good job unless you're keen on it yourself.

Haiti is the poorest country in the western hemisphere; some say the poorest in the world.

Though the worship of riches is an old religion, there has never been a danger that it might become the sole religion. And yet that is what is surely going to happen in the world.

I would love to see the Church on the right side of history.

I learned never to listen to acting teachers because they don't know what the hell they're talking about.