Today in Sri Lanka, Pope Francis visited a Buddhist temple. When asked why, the Pope said, 'Just keeping my options open. It's a dicey job market. You never know.'

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Your greatest responsibility in your life is to be the best version of yourself. When you feel for what the soul believes that is who you become.

Without our ancestors we would not be.

Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort.

These 'Sports Illustrated' people, they know how to hold a secret.

If you don't feel well, tell your doctor, but not the marketplace.

Nobuddy ever listened t' reason on a empty stomach.

Without the New York Times, there is no blog community. They'd have nothing to blog about.

Eventually, somewhere - be it on the Internet or somewhere else - I will host some version of 'The Daily Show.'

When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.

True progress quietly and persistently moves along without notice.