Today in Washington, D.C., several government buildings were left without power. Of course, the White House will be without power for two more years.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Pure love is an unmediated, unmitigated, and unrevealing, but everlasting source of joy for the giver and for the receiver.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

I'm an artist. I'm an artist and I'm going to make art! Art arty art art.

Example has more followers than reason.

Be versed in ancient lore, and familiarize yourself with the modern; then may you become teachers.

The art market is global now, and theres becoming more of an international consensus about what constitutes good art.

President Obama trusts in the wisdom of government. I put my trust in the ingenuity and creativity and commitment to hard work of the American people.

I have to go 150 percent or nothing at all.

Poetry is what is lost in translation. It is also what is lost in interpretation.

When you struggle hard and lose money, you're a hero. When you start making money you become a capitalist swine.