Today, in my career, I'm doing what I love to do. And that is, do things for the fun - do comedy. It's a pleasure to go for the laughter.

Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished.

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Doing nothing is very tough to do because you never know when you're finished. The upside is that from the moment you wake up in the morning, you're on the job.

I really have to keep an eye on myself, because sometimes I think I might say something important.

One thing a person won't do when he's laughing is try to beat you up.

There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.

It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.

Are you having problems hearing? If so, those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter, so don't be a punchline.

Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.

Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

i wish cats could float around your head

Whether we like it or not, God intends to give us what we need, not what we now think we want

I did everything I could to not be a musician.

You can't teach anybody anything, only make them realize the answers are already inside them.

You are gorgeous, whether you're a size 4 or 14. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, as long as you're a good person, as long as you respect others.

Talent is our No.1 operating priority and our most important asset.

I get about 25 letters a month, and I answer every one of them.

We should stand by our allies, but we should also stand by our ideals and work with our allies and encourage them to live up to the democratic institutions and traditions that they enjoy.

A good many people voted for [Barack] Obama, and I'm not only talking about the black vote. A lot of people voted for Obama because of our history of racial discrimination in this country.

You want to be a part of something that is going to change history or make history or be bigger than yourself.