Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

The mistakes of the past are valuable lessons for the future.

The sea is always the same: and yet the sea always changes.

There's nothing wrong with setting goals, but it doesn't mean a thing if you don't pay attention to the day-to-day details.

Women have the genius of charity. A man gives but his gold; a woman adds to it her sympathy.

Excelling at chess has long been considered a symbol of more general intelligence. That is an incorrect assumption in my view, as pleasant as it might be.

A great man may be the personification and type of the epoch for which God destines him, but he is never its creator.

Look, the FBI has the tools necessary un-American activities in our country. It goes on, we shouldn't even be talking about it.

I'm in a position to work on good things. I've worked on shitty projects, in the past. But, it is what it is. I'm just taking it as it comes.

The English mind is intelligent rather than intellectual. The French are intellectual in the sense that the intellect is emancipated and left free to run its own course.

Make DV movies so you can learn how to make films, but don't try to distribute them until they are fantastic.