Today the United States has admitted that after months and months of searching, we still have no idea where Osama bin Laden is. Osama bin Laden? We can't even find Kenneth Lay.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

What I wanted was to be allowed to do the thing in the world that I did best-which I believed then and believe now is the greatest privilege there is. When I did that success found me.

To those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: Don't be economic girlie men!

I don't care what the public wants, I'm going to give it what it needs!

All communication begins with an intention, and your intention determines the quality of your life.

My paintings should become objects into which one could float, as in water, so that one's mind is hung... suspended, and the emanation of the painting would penetrate into people's consciousness.

The abjection of our political situation is the only true challenge today. Only facing up to this situation in all its desperation can help us get out of it.

I past another telkhine, who was so startled he dropped his Lil' Demons lunch box. I left him alive - partly because he had a cool lunch box.

O unfathomable depth! O Deity eternal! O deep ocean! What more could You give me than to give me Yourself?

One, two, three...let's go shopping!

I want to make music that I know that ten years from now, you can put it on and say "This is a great record".