Tolstoy was the most gifted writer who ever lived. It's like he stuck a pen in his heart and it didn't even go through his mind on its way to the page.

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win.

Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We're unrehearsed.

Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.

If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart...badoom, badoom, badoom.

Well if God wanted a broken spirit out of me, He would get Hiswish. At this point in my life the only thing I could do was look up.

Well, why not just snap my damn olive branch and beat me with it? I was only trying to help.

Love is like skydiving without a parachute.

Service is a balm to both the spirit and the body.

I get to surf every day.

Many men think they're playboys but they invariably land wide of the mark. Surrounding yourself with champagne, fast friends and paid escorts is the very definition of the word 'loser'.

Do you think God knew what he was doing when he created woman?

What I write could only be called poetry because there is no other category to put it.

American literature has always been immigrant.

The freedom to think out loud on certain topics, without fear of being hounded into hiding or killed, has already been lost.