Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Tsk, Tsk, Sunshine. I believe I have a wanton wench on my hands. Unfortunately for you, I'm in control here, not you.

Love gives the best of highsBut also the worst of hangovers.

In order for people to live their own lives and fulfill their destiny, they must differentiate themselves from destructive environmental influences.

A lot of contemporary American culture makes its way to this county. Cuba is not some gray, isolated backwater. This is a happening place.

Those whose cause is just will never lack good arguments.

The history of mathematics is a history of horrendously difficult problems being solved by young people too ignorant to know that they were impossible.

Secrecy is thus, so to speak, a transition stadium between being and not-being.

And when he died, I suddenly realized I wasn't crying for him at all, but for the things he did. I cried because he would never do them again.

Whenever I see young girls wearing way too much makeup... you're young, you don't need that much.

We hoped to land a wild cat that would tear out the bowels of the Boche. Instead we have stranded a vast whale with its tail flopping about in the water.