Tomorrow, Trubshawe, I am going to get married again, thereby quite possibly making the greatest mistake of my life.

I have a face that is a cross between two pounds of halibut and an explosion in an old clothes closet.

Keep the circus going inside you, keep it going, don't take anything too seriously, it'll all work out in the end.

Watching too much TV can triple our hunger for more possessions, while reducing our personal contentment by about 5 percent for every hour a day we watch.

A philosopher once noted that people long for immortality but run out of things to do on a rainy afternoon.

Dreams don't have an expiration date.

Champagne offers a minimum of alcohol and a maximum of companionship.

Stardom is like making love in a hammock - a happy experience but one of uncertain duration.

Isn’t it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?

I've taken up the Bible again, somewhat in the spirit of W.C. Fields - looking for loopholes.

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.

For two days I went about my business. I travelled the globe as always, handing souls to the conveyor belt of eternity.

Stealing it, in a sick kind of sense, was like earning it.

The next war in the Middle East will be fought over water, not politics

I love America. America gave me wings.

Governments cannot require individuals, they cannot require the public as a body, and they cannot require corporations to make investigation and law enforcement easy for them in a liberal society.

You can not operate in this room unless you believe that you are Superman, and whatever happens, you're capable of solving the problem.

And if I die before I wake I pray the lord my soul to take But please don't cry Just know that I have made these songs for you.

You didn't have to be a huge rock star; you just had to do well enough to continue doing what you wanted to do. It wasn't about hitting the jackpot, it was about sustainability.

Prison makes you a better judge of character. You pick up on people much faster.

Every writer since the beginning of time, just like other people, has been afflicted by what a friend of mine calls