Tonight I'll be interviewing Ken Watanabe, Keisha Castle Hughes, Benecio Del Toro and Djimon Honsou - and yes, those are actors, not caterers.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

True friends will always push you towards the great possibilities of your future, false friends will always chain you to the mistakes in your past.

Critics who treat adult as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves.

And so I have come to understand that strength, inner strength, comes from receiving love as much as it comes from giving it.

First, in a love song, or any song for that matter, using a plastic word like "inhibitions" is just completely without feel or texture. It demonstrates a tin ear for communication.

Not everybody is going to love what you do, but you have to be yourself, that's what's most important. Bring it as hard as you can.

God endowed you with a glory when he created you, a glory so deep and mythic that all creation pales in comparison.

If you are asking whether states and state actors can only respond through revenge, then you are suggesting that diplomatic solutions are hopeless.

People need doorways to explore universal religious and ethical ideas.

The satiated person and the hungry one do not see the same thing when they look upon a loaf of bread.

The snow is sparkling like a million little suns.