Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it.

Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.

I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.

Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.

Three women walk into a pub and say, 'Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.

Family. Friendship. Loyalty. These things have been my guiding stars, my light in these dark times.

As a mistress, death seemed lacking in many essentials. Therefore, I decided not to die.

Optimism and humor are the grease and glue of life. Without both of them we would never have survived our captivity.

When you inquire 'Who am I?' if you are honest, you'll notice that it takes you right back to silence instantly. The brain doesn't have an answer, so all of a sudden there is silence.

Liberalism is the transformation of mankind into cattle.

I needed to justify my existence, and I had made an absolute of literature. It took me thirty years to get rid of this state of mind.

We all walk in different shoes.

The Great Spirit will not make me suffer because I am ignorant. He will put me in a place where I shall be better off than in this world.

There are none of you, good doctors, could cope with my family anyway.

There are three things that none of the young men of the present generation can do.They can't sit over their wine;they can't play at wist;and they can't pay a lady a compliment.