Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Holyfield won the fight. It's not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.

My heart is its own fierce country where no one else is welcome.

Strategy is methodical, but the one who steers chaos and randomness can steer God.

A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches.

I think most people live in a space where they are looking for meaning in life and good in the world and that is not necessarily reflected in straight news coverage right now.

If you will excuse me, your coat lapels are badly twisted downward, where they have been grasped by the pertinacious New York reporters.

It is good to take a weekend and just you, or you and your dog, head out into the wilderness. Walk by yourself. Be by yourself. It will help you in your search for stillness and perfection.

Jealous of the actors now, are we?" "What, of some fancy boy on the screen? Inconceivable." Oh, this was going to be good.

A wise one determines his own fate.

I was home schooled, so I never got a yearbook.

Let your smile change the world! Never let the world change your smile!