Treat each other like human beings? But the other great apes have no class hierarchy.

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.

Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

Quest assignments are never wrong.

Grieving doesn't make you imperfect. It makes you human.

He had a bad feeling that there was literally no one he could think of who wasn't in some very significant way a let-down.

If we are understood, more words are unnecessary; if we are not likely to be understood, they are useless.

Education (the institution) has now adopted values, attitudes, and practices that make any rigorous understanding of the human self and life impossible.

Legal plunder has two roots: One, as we have just seen, is in human selfishness; the other is in false philanthropy.

Whoever looks at America will see: the ship is powered by stupidity, corruption, or prejudice.

If society gives up the right to impose the death penalty, then self-help will appear again and personal vendettas will be around the corner.

Since 1970, relationships can be more volatile, jobs more ephemeral, geographical mobility more intensified, stability of marriage weaker.

As you make your way along life's tumultuous highways, it's important to note that you should always carry a map, have plenty of fuel in the tank, and take frequent rest stops.