True Yankees fans know an up-and-coming player when they see one.

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.

You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't like to be robotic onstage. I like to perform for that particular audience.

This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

Any expert will tell you that if you want emotionally committed relationships then people must be allowed to be true to who they are.

I'm not saying that love always takes you to heaven. Your life can become a nightmare. But that said, it is worth taking the risk.

Maybe they hate me because I'm too good!

I sang in church at 5. When I saw the reaction, I knew what I wanted to do with my life.

Success is a very dangerous thing and I think we have to be very careful about when we dictate what success is for somebody else. Because you don't know what it's like.

My mom is in her mid-60s and has more energy and is more youthful than any human being I know. It's pretty incredible.

No one of us is more important than the rest of us.

I am a girl who loves life and loves people and I find that in this life there are more good people than bad and that is who I choose to surround myself with.

If you are becoming more easeful, peaceful & useful then you know you are growing.

I hope somebody hits .400 soon. Then people can start pestering that guy with questions about the last guy to hit .400.