Trump says that if he's elected, he won't let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

I am a new creation in the Christ Jesus. Amen!

There is treasure hidden beneath the entire land, but the problem is people are unwilling to dig it out.

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

You can't plan someone else's future, and I fully plan to become someone else.

The simple truth is that happy people generally don't get sick

Latina women are proud to be called Mrs. That simply means that we have a family.

You don't want to be so open minded that your brains fall out!

Both success and struggle are different kinds of trauma.

I think the world is ready for some rock 'n' roll. Some real time guys that play their own instruments, write their own songs, and sing the music and have a good time doing it.

Every actor has their own method, so I'm not suggesting what works for me will work for everybody else.