Trump will not respond to reasoned argument. He will not be held accountable for the things he said. All you can do is point and laugh. Because the devil cannot abide mockery.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

In following the Way, the noble-minded treasure three things: a manner free of violence and arrogance, a countenance full of sincerity and trust, a voice free of vulgarity and impropriety.

Quote words that affirm all men and women are your brothers and sisters.

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

People refuse to believe that I've never been to Starbucks or Disneyland.

Purity is receptivity, the ability to sit and wait patiently, for as long as necessary, for the coming of the light.

Nothing in the real world is as beautiful as the illusions of a person about to lose consciousness.

I wouldn't want to spend every waking hour asking people for money. A, I can't do it, it's just not my nature.

There isn't anyone who wants to see me married more than I do.

I'm still not sure I didn't hallucinate the conversation while overdosing on his pheromones.

No particular motive for living, except the custom and habit of it.