Trust me, kids - your homework can wait. Don't need to be doing homework while Whose Line is on; skip it!

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

The search for something permanent is one of the deepest of the instincts leading men to philosophy.

That's the point of words. They get around.

Eyes and ears are not the problem... It is rage that blinds and deafens us. Or fear. Envy, mistrust. The world contracts, gets all out of joint when you are angry or afraid.

Do you drink?""Of course, I just said I was a writer.

A meow massages the heart.

The snow itself is lonely or, if you prefer, self-sufficient. There is no other time when the whole world seems composed of one thing and one thing only.

Who I am in Christ is amazing. Who Christ is in me is the real story. It is beyond amazing.

While man's desires and aspirations stir he cannot choose but err.

Well, in features, and in writing especially, it's often the style of the writer comes in.

I always thought that was one of the single most important things a prosecutor could do is to seek justice for the families of victims.