Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

Never stop and never sit!Work hard and stay fit!Success will come one day, To those who dream and never quit!

Pretty doll, " rasped the dark haired vampire as he went about behind her, and she could feel his ravenous hunger practically radiating off him.

My first love was the sound of guitar.

I am for free commerce with all nations; political connection with none; and little or no diplomatic establishment

I have a Christian worldview and so it shapes the way that I view issues. I don't apologize for that, and I don't think people of faith ought to shrink away from being in the public arena.

Taking experimental results and observations for granted and putting the burden of proof on the theory means taking the observational ideology for granted without having ever examined it.

Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour.

...Every moment is the right moment.

I define power as control over one's life. Pay is not about power. Pay is about giving up power to get the power of pay.

I am one of the last of a small tribe of troubadours, who still believe that life is a beautiful and exciting journey with a purpose and grace which are well worth singing about.