Trying to make strangers laugh is crazy and more than a little narcissistic.

We're not in an information age anymore. We're in the information management age.

Nerds get caught up in minutiae, because there is a tremendous and fulfilling sense of control in understanding every single detail of a thing more than any other living creature.

Bowling is all physics and energy distribution. It's F = ma. So it is actually one of the most science-y sports, because it literally is just a ball and a surface and objects to knock down.

When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.

I do seem like the kind of guy who'd be obsessive about Rubik's Cubes.

No matter what tricks you use or what decisions you make, go easy on yourself as someone who's on a never-ending quest for improvement.

Steal moments of happiness if you have to, and then collect them until they are the dominant images in your psyche.

I almost think of nerd brains as rattlesnake venom; like, you can milk it. You can milk the pulpy venom out of the nerd brain and use it for good if you want to.

Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms.

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.

Nature is not the number-one mystery, I’ve learned. It’s the heart that takes top honors.

We have enough money. You don't want to be Uncle Daddy.

Everyone who's ever taken a shower has an idea. It's the person who gets out of the shower, dries off and does something about it who makes a difference.

The important thing to know about an assassination or an attempted assassination is not who fired the shot, but who paid for the bullet.

All human race would be wits. And millions miss, for one that hits.

God's people should plan for a voyage of a thousand years, but be prepared to abandon ship tonight.

I spent time in, like, criminal courts, and covering murder trials for papers.

And about in the late '80s, I got kind of burned out a little bit.

I personally prefer being a blonde, but whatever it takes for the character.

Some of necessities go astray, because for them there is no such thing as a right path.