Twitter. It's not a good sound, is it? If it were worth doing, there would be a better word for it.

A good heavy book holds you down. It's an anchor that keeps you from getting up and having another gin and tonic.

It's my belief that sanity lies in realizing that reality is not exactly what we had in mind.

Mozart combined high formality and playfulness that delights as no other composition in any other medium does.

People don't necessarily want or need to be done unto as you would have them do unto you. They want to be done unto as they want to be done unto.

Ham's substantial, ham is fat. Ham is firm and sound. Ham's what God was getting at When He made pigs so round.

Cats have intercepted my footsteps at the ankle for so long that my gait, both at home and on tour, has been compared to that of a man wading through low surf.

The legendary yet factual Curtis Wilkie has been the right man in the right place at an uncanny number of extraordinary times.

The first time I walked into a library, I got so excited I almost wet my pants.

I prefer my oysters fried; that way I know my oysters died.

The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs'.

We have many goals, but only one ultimate purpose of life. That purpose is to be happy.

He that can please nobody is not so much to be pitied as he that nobody can please.

We give our kids vaccinations. That's a biological enhancement that's considered not just acceptable but actually admirable.

Oh, Herbert," she said pleadingly to her silent husband, "you must make him marry her! Call for the parson immediately! Look at them... they are...," she sputtered, "canoodling!

I have two passions in my life. One is to raise the awareness of the internment of Japanese-American citizens. My other passion is the theater.

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

If you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. Let us hope that.

I seek peace, let me BE peace.

Suffering does not discriminate.

If we boost productivity, we can improve economic growth.