Two things help to keep one's job. First, let the boss think he's having his own way. Second, let him have it.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

As long as there have been women, " Mom told me, "there have been ways to punish them for being women.

I travel to Jakarta, I see what an important country it is. I've been working with them for a year.

I've constantly done my best to get the best material I can get with the best directors I can get to direct me.

When I was in Van Halen I was hitting notes that were out of my range. I never went for those registers before until Eddie pulled it out of me.

I think most people realize that Barbara and Jenna are college kids, and to make such a big deal out of it is a bit ridiculous. At least now, the press has stopped.

The wise man sees in the misfortune of others what he should avoid.

I'm a millionaire, I'm a multi-millionaire, I'm filthy rich. You know why I'm a multi-millionaire? 'Cause multi-millions like what I do.

There's nothing in computing that can't be broken by another level of indirection.

A startling and engrossing commentary on the complex actuality and continuing heritage of American slavery.

By lifting the weakest, poorest among us, we lift the rest of us as well.