US President Gerald Ford's golf was so bad we thought he was a 'Hitman for the PGA!

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Make the best of the time you have left, live like there is no tomorrow.

For with god nothing shall be impossible.

Don't be amazed. There is nothing strange about eight white men being alone and therefore helpless.

Hire people smarter than you are and encourage them to bloom.

If you watch animals objectively for any length of time, you're driven to the conclusion that their main aim in life is to pass on their genes to the next generation.

I've loved music always, and my music fire was lit by Elvis Presley, really, and all that was happening back then.

What is heard and how it is heard is more important than what you say.

Young girls are the chatelaines of truth; they must see that it is protected, that the guilty lead the life of the guilty, even if the world rocks on its foundations.

It often takes two to do a good painting - one to paint it, and another to rap the painter smartly with a hammer before he or she can ruin it.

In my community, women are as important as males, and they are playing an equal role in the society.