USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

When we replace a sense of service and gratitude with a sense of entitlement and expectation, we quickly see the demise of our relationships, society, and economy.

Bad weather always looks worse through a window.

French was my first language.

I lock my door upon myself, And bar them out; but who shall wall Self from myself, most loathed of all?

In romance, as in life, you only learn when you're losing.

This film [the Cell] certainly is not meant for the girls who sing along with my songs.

The right circumstances sometimes happen of their own accord, slyly, without fanfare, without warning. Layman's alchemy. . . . The magic of everyday things.

Hillary Clinton is going to make sure that Americans are safe at home and abroad.

Love knoweth no laws.

Cruel World has been my favourite track from Ultraviolence ever since I recorded it.