Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn't in their neighborhood.

If you cannot understand me in my speech, how can you understand me in my silence?

LIBERTY, when it begins to take root, is a plant of rapid growth.

No one is expected to achieve the impossible.

Habit is not mere subjugation, it is a tender tie; when one remembers habit it seems to have been happiness.

Political nature abhors a vacuum, which is what often exists for a year or two in a party after it loses a presidential election.

Badfinger were a great band

I've always fought for my country, in my own way, showing that Filipinos are a strong people and can do anything that they put their minds to.

I am a big fan of Jim Jarmusch and I do love big screen documentaries.

I think of myself as a human being first and foremost, and secondly as a person whose profession is acting. If people want to make that into something more or less, that's up to them.

Well, look at all of these summer blockbusters. You can't help but laugh a little, because you've already seen a lot of these movies 482 times.